You Don’t Like Coffee
I didn’t like coffee either, for the first 45 years or so of my life. I finally decided I would drink it anyway, so that I would “fit in” better with my peer group, most all of whom seemed to live for the next cup. Turns out, after about 3 or 4 years of drinking it and not really liking it, I eventually developed a taste for it. Now I really do like it (even BAD coffee from the corner gas station is now palatable).
Here are some tips:
1. If you truly don’t like it, don’t inhale - just swirl it in your mouth and then expectorate.
2. Order (or pour) yourself a cup, but don’t actually drink any of it. Pretend to sip from your cup periodically. This is a tactic I’ve commonly employed when offered a glass of some wretched, vile-tasting potable (like scuppernong wine or cheap whiskey or most any scotch).
3. Drink tea, or decaf coffee, laced heavily with something you enjoy (cream? milk? sugar? bourbon?).
4. When no one is looking, pour most of the contents of your coffee cup into the nearest potted plant.
5. Let your coffee get cold, feign heating it in a nearby microwave, then decant 2/3 of the coffee, diluting the remainder with water.
6. Tell folks that you experience a severe allergic reaction to caffeine or that you have Munchausen’s Syndrome (or some other obscure-sounding illness) and that you have been placed on strict orders from your doctor not to drink or eat anything containing caffeine or made from the coffee bean, else your trachea would swell until you could no longer breathe.
7. Look, you could just suck it up and drink the stuff - you’ll gradually acquire a taste for it!
